It's Time For Compassion -- Shadow Work

I don’t know who this is for, yet here I am sharing something that is rising up.

Maybe there’s been some kind of shift as of late, I am noticing a yearning for connection, to be understood. There’s a fear of wanting to stay closed off, cosy in the place where you are safe. It’s nice to feel safe. I feel like there’s a heaviness and a loneliness that is dripping, causing a shiver or some of you to exist in damp clothing.

I hope I can offer you a little guidance. If the above sounded like you, please take this as an offering of my love and compassion for humanity.

You are important. You matter. It is uncomfortable to go into the places where we see the darkness in our mind, that irritation or agitation. I invite you to wander into the shadows with curiosity and no expectations. This offers you the freedom to explore the connection you have with yourself. You see, there are many sides to us, we seek balance and yet chaos seeks to create more. The thing we can control is our perception. Recognizing when you are not okay and doing something about it.

Ground and calm the mind. Invite the shadow to come visit with you. Be curious and hold no judgement.

Be mindful of your energy. This is a time for inquiry, not for going full tilt and wanting to eradicate all the negative feelings. This is a practice.

Healing in circles is where we can connect. We do these kinds of exercises to continue to connect to ourselves and also witness the journey of others. This is how we share wisdom.

Much love,
Erika The Doula

COVID-19, Spring, Life...

Okay, okay, okayyyyy...

It's been a while. To be completely honest, you've all been in my thoughts since the last circles, and I am sorry. Sorry for not having the energy for circle if you were really needing it.

I hope that life has been keeping on for you all. I was having these thoughts from other conversations about how can I influence and be an elevator in your life? And the words: "thriving not surviving" came to me.

So in the spirit of elevation, I am hosting virtual circles, a place to come and feel the love, inspiration, and connection for 60 minutes.

I am sending each one of you much love. I hope to see your beautiful face at one of the upcoming circles!

Erika The Doula

Finding MY flow

Here we are. 2020.

I’m on this pursuit of finding my flow. Having a traumatic brain injury puts a new spin and speed for how and when I do things.

I REALLY want women to gather weekly, twice a week would be better. Participating in circle is like yoga for your spirit and soul. How it differs from yoga is the collective participation of witnessing each of our journey’s. It’s the dream. It’s my dream.

I think I’m finding my flow. I do things way slower, I take small bites out of everything, and chew way slower. While I wanted to see all your beautiful faces every week, my needs and my cup would have emptied in no time. I am so not back to “normal working Erika”… WOW I just wrote that. It makes me sad in this moment. That I’m not who I was. Yet, I am on this journey of finding my new flow within my body. So let’s take things a little slower, ya?

I’ve always been drawn to the moon, I look up at it all the time, I look at the stars, I watch clouds, I generally look at space. A lot, like took 2 semesters in uni for astronomy, because I love space.

Let’s take: my love for moons + my affinity for space + my socializing personality + toss in motherhood (cause why not…)

* Big Bang *

Mama’s Karma + Moon Circles are born.

Moon Circles:
I need to find my own rhythm, and hooking up twice a month to a regular event like full + new moons, feels aligned. So we can do a thing! We can create a tribe where we witness our own growth, have real talks, build community in a space of regular gatherings.

Mama’s Karma:
Mama’s... any mama... young babes invited, as long as they're not mobile.

Karma... the exchange. Energy is the ultimate exchange, sometimes we pay because we in some way did work to receive, to give something or make something... this is about building our tribe of sisters.

* Boom. Done. Let’s do it. *

This is a mum's circle, once every 3 weeks during the day on a weekday, by donation (value $10), doesn't have to be cash, can be a trade (like you read my meditation piece or share one you created, or read my circle invocation, or make tea at my house for the group), bring baked item or snacks to share, or nothing... because maybe you need to fill your cup (proverbial or literal) before you can give from it. I got you. It's all good.

It'll be by RSVP so I know how many people are coming. Location would by at my home. We will have circle and a ceremony / ritual. I am needing community for myself, where I can be me, Erika the person, the mum, the partner, the kickass sparkly sista.

Topics:

• sex (sexual health, intimacy with self + partnered)

• relationships single + partnered

• kids (littles, teens, adult children)

• pregnancy (birth, transformation, your story

• loss

• mental health

• food

• highs + lows of life

• Other... anything you want to talk about? I'm game for suggestions.

I need structure. As my ayurvedic coach has helped me realize “structure is freedom”.

The Moon Circles are already in action, next one is Jan 10th! The Mama’s Karma will be coming out Spring 2020.

That’s all for now. Thank you for listening.

Erika

Unveiling HERvision... and how it unfolded...

Our first circle completed.

What a beautiful experience and expression of all those that attended. I am so honoured and left feeling today a sense of wholeness and community with all those that came. Thank you.

I encourage you to join. It’s the whole reason why I’m doing this. I am called to honour and celebrate our divine human spirit, we need to sit and gather in circle. This is how we activate our powers of self reflection + conscious choice and how we each align to free-will connecting to wisdom.

Together last night, we raised our vibrations, as all the Sistership Circle Facilitators held circle during the full moon.

It is no coincidence that my circle was held on the 13th, the number of the goddess divinity. It is why “unlucky 13” came to be all those years ago, as the masculine is in fear of the divine feminine… burning witches at the stake for connecting to mother nature, grandmother moon, father sky, and sister + brother stars.

I was deeply moved and felt the energetics of the container we co-created. The tears flowed down my face as I read the invocation, meaning each and every word spoken. It is the vibration of my being: resonating + channeling + collaborating.

If you are curious, seeking connection, you are welcome to join us. This is for all ages of women with a womb space. We are all on this journey together, and I would love to join you.

The next circle is on December 20th, where will be honouring the Winter Solstice and collaborating in a bath salts ceremony. Space is limited. Click here for more info.

Much love + gratitude,
Erika

What can I expect from circle?

There is SO much magic that happens in circle. It is an evolution. Again, it reminds me so much of pregnancy + labour + partum. An evolution.

So what exactly happens?

The point of circle is to give every women in the world the experience of real and authentic sisterhood where she is loved, accepted and celebrated as herself. Through the sisterhood, women gain confidence in being a woman, claim their feminine leadership and develop meaningful, deep relationships with other women.

We sit in a circle (on the floor with a cushion) and talk, listen, and share our stories. We listen and do not interrupt and do no "fixing" when a person is sharing. What you get out of this is hearing other perspectives, sometimes we are emotionally moved, sometimes they align with our own perspectives, or challenge them. When we have an emotional experience I ask that you sit with it, feeling it and noticing where it comes from. What is the language around it? Can you see why you're moved by it? Where it comes from? This dialogue is really important to our individual growth. When we each share, guaranteed there is someone else needing to hear what you have to say for their own growth. When we have these experiences there comes a sisterhood + sense of community when we can land as our authentic selves.

Each circle has a theme, and will have re-occurring themes like full + new moon circles. We talk about how we connect or don't connect to these themes, what our take is on the question posed to the group, there's some journaling, meditation, and movement (stretching, breath work, body movement).

I hope this answers your question, and hope to see you at a circle.

Much love,
Erika

How do we stay OUT of competition?

Have you been THAT person or know someone who has a natural inclination to “one up” in a story? Sometimes, if I’m being real here, I’ve caught myself doing it. It happens. We’re human.

In circle, it’s really important to give space for others to feel comfortable to experience the depth of their moment. Here are my circle guidelines.

1. Resonate, not compete. You have permission to be real, raw, vulnerable, and authentic.
   You have permission for self-expression.

2. We are co-creating sisterhood, share Ownership. We all hold up the integrity of the group, and you are responsible for your own growth and expansion.
   We are weaving this sisterhood together. Our authentic vulnerability resonates together.

3. This is a safe + confidential space. We do not share names or stories of our sisters. We can ask for permission and the sister has the right to say no.
   We do not console, unless the sister is asking for it.

4. Speak-up when feeling triggered + out of alignment. Let go of "suffering in silence", lean into being vulnerable. Navigate where this trigger is coming from.

5. Connection over promotion. We support each others' work from a place of authentic connection. This is so you don't feel spammy energy. We love hearing what you are up to, pls be respectful and mindful.

6. We will not "fix" anything. This is a hard one, especially for mamas.
   Let us trust that you have the answer within. If you are still searching or lost, please give permission for "fixes".

7. Play on our edge, and honour this container. You are responsible for how you show up. Being vulnerable is always so hard.
   My challenge to you is do not suffer in silence, instead play on your edge of vulnerable sensation.
   You are not alone.

8. I commit to tell the truth. Be honest with first yourself, and then others.
   We hear you, sister. We see you.
   Healing from the inside starts with truth.

9. I commit to opening my heart. When we are feeling vulnerable, sometimes before we recognize the feeling, we shut it down.
   I commit to opening my heart, when I'm shutting down.

10. I commit to me + tribe. We are hear for each other. This space was created to be the container in which we connect to ourselves + sisters.
    We do this through integrity, respect, and vulnerability.

What happens when someone breaks one of the rules? I gently remind you: it’s not scary, you don’t get fired or reprimanded. We’re all learning how to be in circle. It is allll good.

Alright sista, that’s it for now.
Erika

New Circles! I'm Back!

Woowwww. Coming to the end of 2019 and here I am!

Not fully better, but slowly finding myself and listening to my calling. Gathering… Community… Vulnerability… Sisterhood.

There’s so much I want to say, but feel like it can’t be captured in words, only experience.

I invite you to take a chance… a leap of faith to try something new. Be brave sister. I got you.

Erika

Late Nights

Oh, how are the nights of having a little. Trying to write down, organize, prepare, and do all the things before she wakes up.

How do you do it. Some times I feel like there just isn’t enough time, enough support to accomplish all of the things. Listening to the little cry as papa lays with her, trying to settle her, listening to her fight and resist the call of Mr. Sandman. All she wants in her world, is the company of mama, but mama is wanting to focus on other things.

Where is the line drawn? What do you do?

Life is full of so much navigation. Listening and feeling. Not even thinking. Just the emotional pull of motherhood and the biological loop of feedback.

I, too, like others get caught up. Mind is elsewhere, brain is planning, and the little is trying to say, back down here mama. I’m here. What are you doing? Do what I’m doing mama.

Okay okay. If it feels bad to ignore, I should probably just go. Listening to that. Honouring her need. She won’t need me forever.

You know what’ll honour my needs? That cinnamon bun sitting on the counter. Maybe I’ll have a piece of that.

Share below, comment, tell a story. What’s going on with you? How do you get on with the call of babes?

And now she’s silent… Imma make a dash for that bun.

xx

OMG... What is a Mother's Blessing?

Have you heard of this new trend?  It's something that's new to me and I thought the "thing" to do was a traditional baby shower.

A mother's blessing is an adapted ceremony from a Blessingway performed by the Navajo people. To the indigenous people it is a ceremony that celebrates a woman's transition in life, not just related to birth, but divorce, moving, career change, remarriage... it's a way of dreaming and manifesting the will of what will become.

What happens in a mother's blessing? We love on the birthing woman, how that looks is different based on her needs and comfort. We can brush her hair, braid with flowers by her mothers,sisters, or girlfriends, make or bring a flower crown. We give her hand or foot massages, or mani/pedi, paint mama's belly. Another idea is to create a token like a bracelet, infuse candles that we light when birth begins. You only need to pick a few. The ceremony lasts an afternoon. We eat, play music, laugh, share only positive feelings and stories, and love on her.

We close the ceremony with a favourite poem, song, or meditation.

When birthing begins, she will take her token to remember that her tribe is with her, behind her, and supporting her.

Drop me a message if you're curious about learning more.

Due Dates... I feel like it's a bill or deadline.

Who came up with this idea? Term? Everyone asks, when are you due?  I'm so guilty of that. And in light of recent realizations, that puts a lot of pressure on the mama to perform. Like it's a show.  While medical professionals call it "Estimated Due Date" they don't typically behave like it's an estimate.

If baby isn't here by the EDD, then often times there's a let down.

Some medical professionals don't encourage waiting for the natural unfolding to take place (up to 42 weeks of gestation). And they don't for several reasons, worrying about size of baby, stress on organs, emotional state of the mother. Again, mama might very well be uncomfortable, have other children to take care of, working, sick, or just OVER pregnancy.  I feel like it's a culture that has been procured over the decades.

Do we support women? Like, take care of them, nurture them, love on them? Or are they left to their own devices because everyone else is too busy, or not genuine?

Pregnancy takes how long it takes for the baby to be birthed, I'm not saying that there isn't need or necessity for alternative methods, most have a place. But it's often when the woman isn't supported how she needs or desired, that the language moves into impatience and lack of trust in her body.

So what can we do? Lots of things:

• Give massages - foot, shoulders, belly, hands, back
• Hold a mother's blessing
• Keep pantry & fridge stocked and easily made
• Take her out - for a walk, out for coffee, pub, park, or just for a drive
• Take her kids to the park, leave her at home
• Let her nap or sleep
• Go with her to appointments
• Assure her, encourage her to trust her body

It's hard being pregnant. We don't all feel like a glowing goddess... even at the best of times.

You want to help? Do one of the things above. She needs to FEEL the love and support. Convince her of that.

xx

Erika The Doula

Is brutal honesty best?

This is something I grew up thinking was best. I prided myself in being cold hard truth, after all, life is unfair, unjust, and gives no shits. But does that feel good? Is your message being heard?

 Define brutal:

~ Suitable to one who lacks intelligence, sensitivity, or compassion: befitting a brute: such as
          a: grossly ruthless or unfeeling  b: cruel, cold-blooded  c: harsh, severe  d: unpleasantly accurate and incisive  e: very bad or unpleasant

Define honest:

~ Fairness and straightforwardness of conduct:
          a: adherence to the facts : sincerity

My new idea

I find that when someone says 'brutally honest' you need to be prepared to have some shit thrown at you. When it's not necessary.

I don't know the point of honesty if it's not honest, but to give it more edge you need to be brutal. If it's brutal, is your message being conveyed?

I find that in life, you do you part, you can't make or do anything for the other person to be ready for what you're going to say, so just say it. Love the person you are sharing your thoughts, it doesn't mean to be mushy and sweet. Just love them. If they are ready, they will hear you.

I hear you. I see you. I love you.

xx

What's the deal with dads and doulas?

How do you convince your partner you need a doula? The first words my husband said: "they're too expensive". So here's 5 ways to educate your partner.

Get other dads to share their birth stories

Other guys speak "dude" lingo and have more street cred than you the pregnant mama.

He is your advocate

Your doula in many situations especially in hospitals, can't advocate for you. But she can remind your husband to take a minute to think or converse with you. Your Doula can assist or suggest .

How is he going to pee, remember to stay hydrated, or eat?

The doula takes care of both of you. The labouring woman, just as much as the supportive husband or partner. The doula wants the two of you in this together, or as much as the partner wants to be involved. It is not her place to take over or shine, it is the mother's journey, her space, coming into her own.

Reduces stress

If this is a first time dad, ask him to consider what he's going to do when it's "go time". Is he going to know what to do? Is he going to rely on you to tell him? A Doula will know how to check in, questions to ask dad, things to suggest. She'll be the rock that he can lean on and pivot from when you need him.

Family gets a good head start

It's incredible how good it feels to be supported, and look back feeling like you and dad were able to make decisions the best you could given the situation of how birth unfolded.

Dads don't regret a doula, they say, "I'm glad we weren't alone". A woman's birth needs the sacred space of unfolding the way it does because it wakes her unique motherhood instinct. This is what carries her forward and gives way to fatherhood for dads.

Come find me, I bring the best of all your options together: providing evidence based care, walking with you through all of the ups and downs, and honouring your values and lifestyle.

Being truthful

Do you ever look in the mirror and think: omg my skin is so ugly, thin, pale, has zits or scars? Or do you ever come across situations and you criticize yourself over and over replaying it in your head?

 Fuck I hate that.  It's like I obsess about what I should do, not do, look like, be on trend, fit in, or be me...

 Then I heard something, "what if there was no judgement?"... And I started thinking, what IF there was no such thing as judgement? Is that even possible?

 Yes. It is possible. You're living your life in your lane. Not in anyone else's. You stand there in the mirror with your smile, your love, your laugh. It's all you.

I feel like we judge people as an affirmation, validation, or flexing authority onto a situation or person... And why? What do you gain?  How do you feel different for doing that?

I realized that it doesn't matter. Don't get me wrong, this isn't a switch I flip over night... This takes legit effort. But my realization is that judgement doesn't matter. I don't have to subscribe to that belief system.

My power comes from love. My love for helping those that hear, see, and feel me. They're seeking some kind of connection and clarity. To help others, I have to actually practice this.

 It is REALLY hard! But I remind myself, daily, how can you be express love in this situation? You can say almost anything in a loving way, it doesn't mean to be a door mat or passive aggressive, but staying and being true to myself. Maybe I need time to reflect, pause, be still for a moment before responding.

 I honour myself, and let myself be free of limitations and self imposed expectations.

Your truth is the love you show yourself, which is how we are perceived by others. 

xx Erika

What's a Woman's Circle?

What is that? Is that some kind of witch craft or hippy thing?
I know some of you totally thought that!

Many of you don't know me, and the impression is we're going to chant, hold hands, sing kumbaya, and burn sage... if you know what that is. No, and not the point.

The point is to sit together, listen, and share. In a circle, no one talks over one another, we only give time to share our thoughts, wisdom, feeling, ideas, and any other inspiration, one at a time.

We share together. We all have shit on our plate that needs sorting. Relationships with ourselves needs maintenance, regularly. So I figured, why not? We need to come together, find our sisters, and truly just be ourselves together.

If you need any of the above, come find me.

I'm holding a woman's circle twice a month, check out here for events.

xx Erika

How to pick where to birth, be safe and informed.

Safe choices where to birth your baby.

Everyone assumes a hospital, right? You were probably born in one, I was born in one, my partner was born in one. It's just where you go right? What if something happens during labour and you need the doctor STAT, good thing you were in the hospital!

Seems to be a lot of feelings around fear.

Truth is, you do have safe options where to birth your baby. Yes, read that again. SAFE options. This is YOUR choice. My partner thought he had a say... and well, he's not going through this passage in me, he's beside me. Doesn't feel what I'm feeling, thinking, experiencing... so it is MY choice.

Let's define "home birth" and that's any place that's not in a hospital. So it could be a birthing centre, a home, hotel, or friends' house. Most family doctors, if not all, don't support home births. Primarily because they don't have the equipment needed to attend one. Midwives on the other hand, attend births in hospitals and at home.

Research shows that for those with uncomplicated pregnancies, home birth is a safe and responsible choice.

The main differences between hospital birth & home birth:
-Reduced rate of infection
-Reduced interventions like c-section up to 30%
-Reduced need for drugs to speed up labour by as much as 40%

Other factors to consider:
-Comfort of environment: dim lights, more casual, ease of movement and comfort measures
-More personal: no beeping or listening to other women birthing

First time parents often assume in the event of an emergency, birthing in a hospital, the obstetrician is just hanging around at the hospital at all hours, awaiting for an emergency... NOPE. They are called in and have up to 30 minutes to show up, which in some cases is no different, from labouring at home, and then transferring into the hospital waiting the same amount of time. In addition, an anesthesiologist is also called in just like the OB.

The last point I'd like to make is that midwives are trained for emergency situations, typically work as a team, and come with a whole kit for such situations. They wouldn't be covered by medical, or allowed to practice within this scope if it wasn't safe.

There you go, now hopefully you know a little more, and can ask the questions you need answered. Feel free to reach out to me if you have any questions!

Click here to see the research regarding home birth safety.

Click here to see what's taken to a birth in Canada (may vary from province to province)

xx

Erika

My BFF is not the same as my Doula

Let me start by saying, I LOVE my mama, my sister, and BFF (all 3 of them). HOWEVER, I would not have had the amazingly empowering birth without them.

We all have different visions and wishes for birth: some want the whole family there, in their home, at a hospital, with just the partner and midwife/doctor, some want chatter, and friends that are able to offer support.

As a doula, we provide a special role in birth. Your BFF, mum, sister, or mother in-law may be able to comfort you while birthing, they will provide support in a different way.

A doula doesn't replace your closest support person, but supports YOUR birthing team.

Your doula has no emotional stake in your birth choices

As a doula, I support whatever you want, no personal agendas. I am here to hold the space around you so your birth can unfold in your own way.

We are trained to be non-judgemental and support your decision from c-section, epidural, home birth and any other options that feel safe to you.

When a family member or friend is supporting you, they can unknowingly spill their emotions, thoughts, and opinions that can influence you during a time of needing clarity and sanctuary. Birth is a very raw, primal, and emotional time that we often find self acceptance when others approve of our same choices and experiences.

Your doula is there for you, this is her jam, this is her calling.

Your doula is trained to assist in labour

A partner, BFF, or family member can be an integral part of birth by making the birthing person feel safe. But they most often can't assist the midwife or doctor.

A doula has done training and educating in a variety of situations and conditions. Knowing different comfort measures, tools, and supporting your team with pee breaks, sleep breaks, or tagging in and out on a double hip squeeze.

Midwives prefer to birth with doulas as we know how to work with them, familiar with lingo, familiar with how to support a birthing mother. This could be her 3rd day of on-call, you could be the 4th or 5th birth she is attending and is exhausted, hungry, and mentally drained. She might not be able to give you her all, where your doula is able to bridge that gap to have a beautiful birth.

Often times, families assume the midwife will be as hands on with emotional & physical support, when really that is the role of the doula. The midwife has to chart and monitor you, she needs to be recording times, duration, listening and assessing, which is difficult to do if she's rubbing your legs or back in the bathtub.

Labour is normal... for a doula

Women in labour can do and behave in vastly different ways... sometimes it can be unusual, scary, and uncomfortable to someone inexperienced in birth. Birthing women cry, vomit, poop, yell, moan, sing, and even dance. There is no "right" way to labour, we all do it in our own way. And it's ALL normal.

As a doula, we know this. A woman in transition can act very desperate, plead, or want to give up. For birthing professionals we recognize this as good progress. To her partner or mother, it could look like she's at the end of her rope. Labour is a process and while we all have a unique birth journey, but it is not an exact science. What might seem like the mother is maxed out and can't go on, we can sense how much further she can go.

Consider a partner, mum of the birthing person, best friend, it is hard to watch them what looks like suffering. Birthing isn't easy, it's natural process that takes time. We know it's hard work, which is why she needs all of her support.

Conversely, while emotions are a large part of birth, it is important to have someone that can be outside and unbiased to be able to step back in a situation. Being able to have the capacity to see the whole picture, without being tainted by history and relationships.

Women that have birthed feel a connection to others during pregnancy and partum. We have been supporting each other since forever-ago, having women with us who help us feel safe and empower is just common sense. The doula profession has been around as long as women have been birthing in one form or another.

I can assure you, as a doula, we do not replace mothers, sisters, partners, or best friends. My doula did not replace my partner or either of my best friends at my birth. I trusted her implicitly to help me go on. To help tame my wildness when I wanted to let go, give up, and give in.

Your birth team is on your side no matter what.

xx namaslay

How to Reconnect with Yourself

Hi mama, are you okay? See below for some much needed self love.

1. Weekly Ritual: Take time every week to do something for you, uninterrupted, child free, and totally focused on you.
2. Ask yourself, "What can I do right now to make me happier?" Is that being happier at home? Work? Volunteering? Grabbing your favourite chocolate bar or tea?
3. Create a vision board of goals: What are simple things you can take regular steps towards accomplishing? Make sure you can do these things in a loving way, not so much focused on losing weight, but maybe going for a walk with your best friend, or a new friend you made.
4. Enjoy something that you did before you were pregnant: Going to a Paint Nite class? Pottery? Snowshoeing? Spa date?
5. Join a sisterhood: connect with women that see the power within you. Laugh, share stories, struggles. These are circles that can offer you unconditional non-judgemental support.

If you're in the area, reach out to me, we can go for coffee or sushi date.

Lost myself in motherhood

So many women lose ourselves in motherhood. Enter in: The Rolling Fog. The transition of fading away from yourself, interests, passion right before your eyes.

At some point we all come to this crossroad and realize we've faded, lost our brightness, our will to fight for ourselves. Do you remember who you are? Your favourite tv show, hobbies, when you last got out for fresh air?

Motherhood is a constant onward push of: bum changes, feeding, sleepless nights, baby feedings, babysitting, and baby drop offs. We are the master comforter and doer of all. This is taxing. It drains us of compassion, emotion, connection, and stimulation.

When I was pregnant, I was so focused on preparing for Shoshanna that I neglected how to navigate this transition, and the capacity on this change on my personal growth. I spent much of my time looking for a place to live, as we were moving, packing, cleaning, and just trying to not drown in my life. I feel that mentorship within a sisterhood can help us navigate of this time in transition and rite of passage.

We all get it wrong before we get it right, to feel vulnerable is very unsettling. Once we transition to motherhood, we redefine ourselves. This whole undertaking is done with sleep deprivation, mental fog, hunger, exhaustion, emotions. A huge responsibility and we're forced to survive.

I forgot to be kind to myself, sometimes even angry. I would think things like, why bother showering when I won't leave the house? Why shave my legs when I don't feel sexy? I'll just wait for Whit to come home to bring dinner and not cook for myself. This went on for months. Some parts of me felt like I was unworthy, and for no real reason. Just an idea I wanted to believe, so I wouldn't have to be responsible for myself. I told myself this story.

I became an imposter. The amount of energy it took was everything I had that was left. You can't give long-term what you don't have. I am choosing to lead by example, getting back in the driver seat.

Sisterhood circles are to end the war of just surviving. We show our babies who we are when they see us connect with others. Your sisters are women that have gone before you, on their journey from motherhood and womanhood. We offer support, wisdom, and a safe place to just come and let your hair down.

xx. 

Work and life

Transition and walking through this journey is a day to day adventure.

 Before I got pregnant I had a different life, working full time, dragonboating, socializing, taking my dogs to the dog park, and watching tv.

 Then I got pregnant. Changing gears to no sports, going on medical leave, chilling with my pups, and still watching a lot of tv.

 Shoshanna arrives, and now walking into motherhood. For my pregnancy and birth I used a doula, without Beckie I could not have found my calling. She brought the best out of me.

 So I did doula training with a 4 week old baby, for 13 weeks, and here became the juggling act of baby, my own ambitions, work (at a new job), and life. I was really accustomed to driving all my undivided attention into one project, I can't do that anymore. I quickly realized that I need to assess my energy level and then plan for how I will spend it.

 It's not easy. Some days, I've got 4 burners going, but let's be honest, really only 1 is going, and the rest are simmering... At best...

 I still find myself struggling with assessing energy and where to spend it.

So what do I do?   Make a list, top 4 things I have to, then I pick top 2, and then which is either the most important, or fastest to complete.

 If you don't finish it, who cares? It'll be there later. You're one person, it's okay.

Worthwhile things are seldomly easy. Being anxious, worrying over small things, worrying about the future... These are all things out can't directly influence today.

I am learning and growing... Daily... Life is good.

Good talk. 

xx Erika

Not Today...

I just can’t.

Some days you wake up and the immediate reaction is “nope. not today.”

Waking up the next day after you baby is born, you may feel like a shock to your system. You know you’re suppose to feel all this love, bliss, glow, and be swelled with all this motherhood.

Back the bus up, that was just yesterday. Or maybe it was a week ago, a month ago, or even a year ago.

You’re not alone. I still wake up some days and think, “Can I take a raincheck?”

I LOVE Shoshanna, but man, all the things we fill on our plate. And sometimes there really isn’t even anything “big” going on, you’re just thinking NOPE, not today.

Well you have my permission, I’ll give you that raincheck. What is the WORST thing to happen today? I’m not saying throw in the towel, but yourself permission to say YES, not today.

You’re not alone.

xx Erika