Due Dates... I feel like it's a bill or deadline.

Who came up with this idea? Term? Everyone asks, when are you due?  I'm so guilty of that. And in light of recent realizations, that puts a lot of pressure on the mama to perform. Like it's a show.  While medical professionals call it "Estimated Due Date" they don't typically behave like it's an estimate.

If baby isn't here by the EDD, then often times there's a let down.

Some medical professionals don't encourage waiting for the natural unfolding to take place (up to 42 weeks of gestation). And they don't for several reasons, worrying about size of baby, stress on organs, emotional state of the mother. Again, mama might very well be uncomfortable, have other children to take care of, working, sick, or just OVER pregnancy.  I feel like it's a culture that has been procured over the decades.

Do we support women? Like, take care of them, nurture them, love on them? Or are they left to their own devices because everyone else is too busy, or not genuine?

Pregnancy takes how long it takes for the baby to be birthed, I'm not saying that there isn't need or necessity for alternative methods, most have a place. But it's often when the woman isn't supported how she needs or desired, that the language moves into impatience and lack of trust in her body.

So what can we do? Lots of things:

• Give massages - foot, shoulders, belly, hands, back
• Hold a mother's blessing
• Keep pantry & fridge stocked and easily made
• Take her out - for a walk, out for coffee, pub, park, or just for a drive
• Take her kids to the park, leave her at home
• Let her nap or sleep
• Go with her to appointments
• Assure her, encourage her to trust her body

It's hard being pregnant. We don't all feel like a glowing goddess... even at the best of times.

You want to help? Do one of the things above. She needs to FEEL the love and support. Convince her of that.

xx

Erika The Doula

Lost myself in motherhood

So many women lose ourselves in motherhood. Enter in: The Rolling Fog. The transition of fading away from yourself, interests, passion right before your eyes.

At some point we all come to this crossroad and realize we've faded, lost our brightness, our will to fight for ourselves. Do you remember who you are? Your favourite tv show, hobbies, when you last got out for fresh air?

Motherhood is a constant onward push of: bum changes, feeding, sleepless nights, baby feedings, babysitting, and baby drop offs. We are the master comforter and doer of all. This is taxing. It drains us of compassion, emotion, connection, and stimulation.

When I was pregnant, I was so focused on preparing for Shoshanna that I neglected how to navigate this transition, and the capacity on this change on my personal growth. I spent much of my time looking for a place to live, as we were moving, packing, cleaning, and just trying to not drown in my life. I feel that mentorship within a sisterhood can help us navigate of this time in transition and rite of passage.

We all get it wrong before we get it right, to feel vulnerable is very unsettling. Once we transition to motherhood, we redefine ourselves. This whole undertaking is done with sleep deprivation, mental fog, hunger, exhaustion, emotions. A huge responsibility and we're forced to survive.

I forgot to be kind to myself, sometimes even angry. I would think things like, why bother showering when I won't leave the house? Why shave my legs when I don't feel sexy? I'll just wait for Whit to come home to bring dinner and not cook for myself. This went on for months. Some parts of me felt like I was unworthy, and for no real reason. Just an idea I wanted to believe, so I wouldn't have to be responsible for myself. I told myself this story.

I became an imposter. The amount of energy it took was everything I had that was left. You can't give long-term what you don't have. I am choosing to lead by example, getting back in the driver seat.

Sisterhood circles are to end the war of just surviving. We show our babies who we are when they see us connect with others. Your sisters are women that have gone before you, on their journey from motherhood and womanhood. We offer support, wisdom, and a safe place to just come and let your hair down.

xx.