OMG... What is a Mother's Blessing?

Have you heard of this new trend?  It's something that's new to me and I thought the "thing" to do was a traditional baby shower.

A mother's blessing is an adapted ceremony from a Blessingway performed by the Navajo people. To the indigenous people it is a ceremony that celebrates a woman's transition in life, not just related to birth, but divorce, moving, career change, remarriage... it's a way of dreaming and manifesting the will of what will become.

What happens in a mother's blessing? We love on the birthing woman, how that looks is different based on her needs and comfort. We can brush her hair, braid with flowers by her mothers,sisters, or girlfriends, make or bring a flower crown. We give her hand or foot massages, or mani/pedi, paint mama's belly. Another idea is to create a token like a bracelet, infuse candles that we light when birth begins. You only need to pick a few. The ceremony lasts an afternoon. We eat, play music, laugh, share only positive feelings and stories, and love on her.

We close the ceremony with a favourite poem, song, or meditation.

When birthing begins, she will take her token to remember that her tribe is with her, behind her, and supporting her.

Drop me a message if you're curious about learning more.

Due Dates... I feel like it's a bill or deadline.

Who came up with this idea? Term? Everyone asks, when are you due?  I'm so guilty of that. And in light of recent realizations, that puts a lot of pressure on the mama to perform. Like it's a show.  While medical professionals call it "Estimated Due Date" they don't typically behave like it's an estimate.

If baby isn't here by the EDD, then often times there's a let down.

Some medical professionals don't encourage waiting for the natural unfolding to take place (up to 42 weeks of gestation). And they don't for several reasons, worrying about size of baby, stress on organs, emotional state of the mother. Again, mama might very well be uncomfortable, have other children to take care of, working, sick, or just OVER pregnancy.  I feel like it's a culture that has been procured over the decades.

Do we support women? Like, take care of them, nurture them, love on them? Or are they left to their own devices because everyone else is too busy, or not genuine?

Pregnancy takes how long it takes for the baby to be birthed, I'm not saying that there isn't need or necessity for alternative methods, most have a place. But it's often when the woman isn't supported how she needs or desired, that the language moves into impatience and lack of trust in her body.

So what can we do? Lots of things:

• Give massages - foot, shoulders, belly, hands, back
• Hold a mother's blessing
• Keep pantry & fridge stocked and easily made
• Take her out - for a walk, out for coffee, pub, park, or just for a drive
• Take her kids to the park, leave her at home
• Let her nap or sleep
• Go with her to appointments
• Assure her, encourage her to trust her body

It's hard being pregnant. We don't all feel like a glowing goddess... even at the best of times.

You want to help? Do one of the things above. She needs to FEEL the love and support. Convince her of that.

xx

Erika The Doula

Is brutal honesty best?

This is something I grew up thinking was best. I prided myself in being cold hard truth, after all, life is unfair, unjust, and gives no shits. But does that feel good? Is your message being heard?

 Define brutal:

~ Suitable to one who lacks intelligence, sensitivity, or compassion: befitting a brute: such as
          a: grossly ruthless or unfeeling  b: cruel, cold-blooded  c: harsh, severe  d: unpleasantly accurate and incisive  e: very bad or unpleasant

Define honest:

~ Fairness and straightforwardness of conduct:
          a: adherence to the facts : sincerity

My new idea

I find that when someone says 'brutally honest' you need to be prepared to have some shit thrown at you. When it's not necessary.

I don't know the point of honesty if it's not honest, but to give it more edge you need to be brutal. If it's brutal, is your message being conveyed?

I find that in life, you do you part, you can't make or do anything for the other person to be ready for what you're going to say, so just say it. Love the person you are sharing your thoughts, it doesn't mean to be mushy and sweet. Just love them. If they are ready, they will hear you.

I hear you. I see you. I love you.

xx

Being truthful

Do you ever look in the mirror and think: omg my skin is so ugly, thin, pale, has zits or scars? Or do you ever come across situations and you criticize yourself over and over replaying it in your head?

 Fuck I hate that.  It's like I obsess about what I should do, not do, look like, be on trend, fit in, or be me...

 Then I heard something, "what if there was no judgement?"... And I started thinking, what IF there was no such thing as judgement? Is that even possible?

 Yes. It is possible. You're living your life in your lane. Not in anyone else's. You stand there in the mirror with your smile, your love, your laugh. It's all you.

I feel like we judge people as an affirmation, validation, or flexing authority onto a situation or person... And why? What do you gain?  How do you feel different for doing that?

I realized that it doesn't matter. Don't get me wrong, this isn't a switch I flip over night... This takes legit effort. But my realization is that judgement doesn't matter. I don't have to subscribe to that belief system.

My power comes from love. My love for helping those that hear, see, and feel me. They're seeking some kind of connection and clarity. To help others, I have to actually practice this.

 It is REALLY hard! But I remind myself, daily, how can you be express love in this situation? You can say almost anything in a loving way, it doesn't mean to be a door mat or passive aggressive, but staying and being true to myself. Maybe I need time to reflect, pause, be still for a moment before responding.

 I honour myself, and let myself be free of limitations and self imposed expectations.

Your truth is the love you show yourself, which is how we are perceived by others. 

xx Erika

What's a Woman's Circle?

What is that? Is that some kind of witch craft or hippy thing?
I know some of you totally thought that!

Many of you don't know me, and the impression is we're going to chant, hold hands, sing kumbaya, and burn sage... if you know what that is. No, and not the point.

The point is to sit together, listen, and share. In a circle, no one talks over one another, we only give time to share our thoughts, wisdom, feeling, ideas, and any other inspiration, one at a time.

We share together. We all have shit on our plate that needs sorting. Relationships with ourselves needs maintenance, regularly. So I figured, why not? We need to come together, find our sisters, and truly just be ourselves together.

If you need any of the above, come find me.

I'm holding a woman's circle twice a month, check out here for events.

xx Erika

How to pick where to birth, be safe and informed.

Safe choices where to birth your baby.

Everyone assumes a hospital, right? You were probably born in one, I was born in one, my partner was born in one. It's just where you go right? What if something happens during labour and you need the doctor STAT, good thing you were in the hospital!

Seems to be a lot of feelings around fear.

Truth is, you do have safe options where to birth your baby. Yes, read that again. SAFE options. This is YOUR choice. My partner thought he had a say... and well, he's not going through this passage in me, he's beside me. Doesn't feel what I'm feeling, thinking, experiencing... so it is MY choice.

Let's define "home birth" and that's any place that's not in a hospital. So it could be a birthing centre, a home, hotel, or friends' house. Most family doctors, if not all, don't support home births. Primarily because they don't have the equipment needed to attend one. Midwives on the other hand, attend births in hospitals and at home.

Research shows that for those with uncomplicated pregnancies, home birth is a safe and responsible choice.

The main differences between hospital birth & home birth:
-Reduced rate of infection
-Reduced interventions like c-section up to 30%
-Reduced need for drugs to speed up labour by as much as 40%

Other factors to consider:
-Comfort of environment: dim lights, more casual, ease of movement and comfort measures
-More personal: no beeping or listening to other women birthing

First time parents often assume in the event of an emergency, birthing in a hospital, the obstetrician is just hanging around at the hospital at all hours, awaiting for an emergency... NOPE. They are called in and have up to 30 minutes to show up, which in some cases is no different, from labouring at home, and then transferring into the hospital waiting the same amount of time. In addition, an anesthesiologist is also called in just like the OB.

The last point I'd like to make is that midwives are trained for emergency situations, typically work as a team, and come with a whole kit for such situations. They wouldn't be covered by medical, or allowed to practice within this scope if it wasn't safe.

There you go, now hopefully you know a little more, and can ask the questions you need answered. Feel free to reach out to me if you have any questions!

Click here to see the research regarding home birth safety.

Click here to see what's taken to a birth in Canada (may vary from province to province)

xx

Erika

Not Today...

I just can’t.

Some days you wake up and the immediate reaction is “nope. not today.”

Waking up the next day after you baby is born, you may feel like a shock to your system. You know you’re suppose to feel all this love, bliss, glow, and be swelled with all this motherhood.

Back the bus up, that was just yesterday. Or maybe it was a week ago, a month ago, or even a year ago.

You’re not alone. I still wake up some days and think, “Can I take a raincheck?”

I LOVE Shoshanna, but man, all the things we fill on our plate. And sometimes there really isn’t even anything “big” going on, you’re just thinking NOPE, not today.

Well you have my permission, I’ll give you that raincheck. What is the WORST thing to happen today? I’m not saying throw in the towel, but yourself permission to say YES, not today.

You’re not alone.

xx Erika