Being truthful

Do you ever look in the mirror and think: omg my skin is so ugly, thin, pale, has zits or scars? Or do you ever come across situations and you criticize yourself over and over replaying it in your head?

 Fuck I hate that.  It's like I obsess about what I should do, not do, look like, be on trend, fit in, or be me...

 Then I heard something, "what if there was no judgement?"... And I started thinking, what IF there was no such thing as judgement? Is that even possible?

 Yes. It is possible. You're living your life in your lane. Not in anyone else's. You stand there in the mirror with your smile, your love, your laugh. It's all you.

I feel like we judge people as an affirmation, validation, or flexing authority onto a situation or person... And why? What do you gain?  How do you feel different for doing that?

I realized that it doesn't matter. Don't get me wrong, this isn't a switch I flip over night... This takes legit effort. But my realization is that judgement doesn't matter. I don't have to subscribe to that belief system.

My power comes from love. My love for helping those that hear, see, and feel me. They're seeking some kind of connection and clarity. To help others, I have to actually practice this.

 It is REALLY hard! But I remind myself, daily, how can you be express love in this situation? You can say almost anything in a loving way, it doesn't mean to be a door mat or passive aggressive, but staying and being true to myself. Maybe I need time to reflect, pause, be still for a moment before responding.

 I honour myself, and let myself be free of limitations and self imposed expectations.

Your truth is the love you show yourself, which is how we are perceived by others. 

xx Erika

Lost myself in motherhood

So many women lose ourselves in motherhood. Enter in: The Rolling Fog. The transition of fading away from yourself, interests, passion right before your eyes.

At some point we all come to this crossroad and realize we've faded, lost our brightness, our will to fight for ourselves. Do you remember who you are? Your favourite tv show, hobbies, when you last got out for fresh air?

Motherhood is a constant onward push of: bum changes, feeding, sleepless nights, baby feedings, babysitting, and baby drop offs. We are the master comforter and doer of all. This is taxing. It drains us of compassion, emotion, connection, and stimulation.

When I was pregnant, I was so focused on preparing for Shoshanna that I neglected how to navigate this transition, and the capacity on this change on my personal growth. I spent much of my time looking for a place to live, as we were moving, packing, cleaning, and just trying to not drown in my life. I feel that mentorship within a sisterhood can help us navigate of this time in transition and rite of passage.

We all get it wrong before we get it right, to feel vulnerable is very unsettling. Once we transition to motherhood, we redefine ourselves. This whole undertaking is done with sleep deprivation, mental fog, hunger, exhaustion, emotions. A huge responsibility and we're forced to survive.

I forgot to be kind to myself, sometimes even angry. I would think things like, why bother showering when I won't leave the house? Why shave my legs when I don't feel sexy? I'll just wait for Whit to come home to bring dinner and not cook for myself. This went on for months. Some parts of me felt like I was unworthy, and for no real reason. Just an idea I wanted to believe, so I wouldn't have to be responsible for myself. I told myself this story.

I became an imposter. The amount of energy it took was everything I had that was left. You can't give long-term what you don't have. I am choosing to lead by example, getting back in the driver seat.

Sisterhood circles are to end the war of just surviving. We show our babies who we are when they see us connect with others. Your sisters are women that have gone before you, on their journey from motherhood and womanhood. We offer support, wisdom, and a safe place to just come and let your hair down.

xx.