Lost myself in motherhood

So many women lose ourselves in motherhood. Enter in: The Rolling Fog. The transition of fading away from yourself, interests, passion right before your eyes.

At some point we all come to this crossroad and realize we've faded, lost our brightness, our will to fight for ourselves. Do you remember who you are? Your favourite tv show, hobbies, when you last got out for fresh air?

Motherhood is a constant onward push of: bum changes, feeding, sleepless nights, baby feedings, babysitting, and baby drop offs. We are the master comforter and doer of all. This is taxing. It drains us of compassion, emotion, connection, and stimulation.

When I was pregnant, I was so focused on preparing for Shoshanna that I neglected how to navigate this transition, and the capacity on this change on my personal growth. I spent much of my time looking for a place to live, as we were moving, packing, cleaning, and just trying to not drown in my life. I feel that mentorship within a sisterhood can help us navigate of this time in transition and rite of passage.

We all get it wrong before we get it right, to feel vulnerable is very unsettling. Once we transition to motherhood, we redefine ourselves. This whole undertaking is done with sleep deprivation, mental fog, hunger, exhaustion, emotions. A huge responsibility and we're forced to survive.

I forgot to be kind to myself, sometimes even angry. I would think things like, why bother showering when I won't leave the house? Why shave my legs when I don't feel sexy? I'll just wait for Whit to come home to bring dinner and not cook for myself. This went on for months. Some parts of me felt like I was unworthy, and for no real reason. Just an idea I wanted to believe, so I wouldn't have to be responsible for myself. I told myself this story.

I became an imposter. The amount of energy it took was everything I had that was left. You can't give long-term what you don't have. I am choosing to lead by example, getting back in the driver seat.

Sisterhood circles are to end the war of just surviving. We show our babies who we are when they see us connect with others. Your sisters are women that have gone before you, on their journey from motherhood and womanhood. We offer support, wisdom, and a safe place to just come and let your hair down.

xx. 

Not Today...

I just can’t.

Some days you wake up and the immediate reaction is “nope. not today.”

Waking up the next day after you baby is born, you may feel like a shock to your system. You know you’re suppose to feel all this love, bliss, glow, and be swelled with all this motherhood.

Back the bus up, that was just yesterday. Or maybe it was a week ago, a month ago, or even a year ago.

You’re not alone. I still wake up some days and think, “Can I take a raincheck?”

I LOVE Shoshanna, but man, all the things we fill on our plate. And sometimes there really isn’t even anything “big” going on, you’re just thinking NOPE, not today.

Well you have my permission, I’ll give you that raincheck. What is the WORST thing to happen today? I’m not saying throw in the towel, but yourself permission to say YES, not today.

You’re not alone.

xx Erika