Bored + Restless

Word of the day: Nuture.

Nurturing my little back to health — thanks breastmilk.

Nurturing big emotions and witnessing my community support our children through it.

Taking space for rest.

I need so much rest. And I MISS BEING BORED. I need like two weeks vacation. No humans. Just me.

1 week in a cabin somewhere.
1 week in my home alone.

I need to get lost. Be forced to sit in my discomfort.

It’s part of my process. Truly. I need space to grieve regularly, to get lost and work through my anxiety, really connect back to myself.

It’s like motherhood makes it taboo for the need for me to take space. To get lost and find my way back. I need to work and interact with people separate from my family.

I want my own autonomy.

I must work at experiencing separation from the family. Not out of — I don’t want them, but out of I need space for the whole me.

When I’m starved of that, I wonder if that’s why couples after long periods of time choose to leave the relationship. It’s hard to give space, it’s hard to say: hey go take you, forget about me. Forget about the kids. Just go be you for a week. Connect to that person who is just you.

What I hope to find in that space is security in my soul with being just be. I hope to have aha moments around perspective on whatever stories or narratives are coming up.

There’s something after this intense year that has become exceptionally clear to me, I must experience myself away from distractions.

I need the discomfort to remember who I am, and what I want. If I don’t live that, I do not experience perspective the way I need to, and it’s a whole body experience. When I know something, I know it through and through.

The critic of “oh that’s not worth saying or sharing”, I’m learning to recognize what is the difference between the critic and intuition.

Maybe when my intuition kicks in, it’s a way of the universe is communicating to me, when my voice kicks in it’s my conscious talking, and when it’s this cranky hangry chain smoking broad chiming in it’s my judgemental critic.

Fascinating. It’s taken time to recognize the voices. The conversations happening so loud, it’s hard to hear who is talking.

Maybe that’s why I like efficiency, it cuts down the noise, energy, and time spent on the unimportant things so that I maximize the fun stuff I do. Pleasure. Joy. Expansion. That shit feels so good too.

It’s why I like to move on from things.
I don’t get joy from it anymore and want to move on.

A state of constant motion. But I like to linger and hang out for a long time. And then when I’m ready, I want to move on. But when I can’t get out from a situation I not only get cabin fever, but like a rabid wolverine. My being becomes so agitated I can’t sooth it. The dysregulation is exhausting because I’m not in my flow. And I’m trying to find ways/ use my brain power I think will work, instead of following what I want to do and let the rest fall into place.

I get scared at times where I’m not totally sure who I hear talking, and feel judged by my peers for listening to my intuition because what I want to do is against what society and how I set my life up?

Like deep deep deep down, I know when I’m following my path and when I’m not. And dude. When I’m not — I fucking know it.

I don’t know where this is going, but I know if I want to get there I need to change how I view it. I am needing a perspective shift, or shed something. It’s deep and profound. I can sense it, but it’s covered so many layers that I don’t know how to deal with them. And my perspective needs to change for me to figure out this problem. I can’t tell how far I am to figuring it out.

Capturing the Unseen, Finding Authenticity

In my fascinating journey of self-discovery, documentary photography took center stage. It was a passion that had been lingering in the shadows, urging me to capture moments that reflected the essence of a person's process, growth, and presence. These images were like time capsules, accurate depictions of specific moments, from the brand of soda on the table to the tropical plants in the background.

My desire to undertake projects that resonated with authenticity led me to form a team, a "circle" around me, dedicated to capturing the lives of those I encountered. The day-to-day facets of existence and the curiosity expressed on social media with phrases like "day in the life" and "behind the scenes" became my canvas. I took authenticity as a powerful force, which became the guiding light, and I reveled in unexpected moments, even embracing the challenges.

Armed with a strong intuition cultivated since childhood, my curiosity about photography became a beacon guiding my journey. The closure of my car accident case marked a turning point where I embraced the "F*** IT" mentality. I became a "Bexx of all trades," exploring diverse jobs and spaces, and gathering stories that would one day fill the chapters of my 85-year-old self's autobiography.

— Bexx

Part 1 of 3: Unexpected Turns and Academic Intrigues

In the wake of my decision to part ways with the conventional path of university, I found myself navigating the twists and turns of life. A seemingly unsuccessful return to the workforce turned unexpectedly positive when I stumbled into a workplace where understanding and support were the norm. Yet, the limitations of my brain, an intricate labyrinth of its own, made their presence known. In contemplating my next steps, the idea of delving into academics to understand human behaviour through a master's or doctorate program whispered to me.

Cultural Anthropology, a subject that hadn't graced my schedule in over a decade, became the doorway to a new world. Two 1.5-hour classes a week seemed like a manageable commitment, but a familiar overwhelming feeling crept in as the weeks unfolded. Nevertheless, the subject matter, unravelling the foundations of Western anthropology, its origins, founding members, and evolution into its present form, intrigued me.

Unexpectedly, this academic exploration led me into a realm I hadn't foreseen – that of an artist. Raised in an environment where the term "artist" carried a negative connotation, I discovered a creative streak within myself. Rooted in my parents' desire for straightforwardness as first-generation settlers, this aspect of my experience became a secret shared only with my therapist. The intersection of a deep interest in human behaviour, a passion for storytelling, and an innate curiosity about people's journeys became clear. I yearned to uncover individuals' authenticity, tracing their growth from infancy to unique adulthood.

Stay tuned for tomorrow, part 2 of 3…

The Art of Unfiltered Joy: A Glimpse into Bexx Salvidar's World

The Art of Unfiltered Joy: Celebrating Authenticity, One Photograph at a Time

Welcome, fellow adventurers, to a profound exploration of the art of unfiltered joy! As a passionate photographer, I have always been captivated by the beauty of authentic emotions and the power of a single photograph to immortalize fleeting moments of happiness. Join me on this journey as we delve into the magic behind capturing the genuine essence of life's most cherished memories.

Embracing Authenticity: The Gateway to Unfiltered Joy

In a world that often pressures us to conform and wear masks, embracing authenticity becomes a revolutionary act. The art of unfiltered joy is all about finding the courage to be ourselves, let go of inhibitions, and rejoice in our true selves' unique beauty.

In my pursuit of capturing unfiltered joy, I have discovered that true happiness lies not in pretending to be someone we're not but in celebrating the authentic moments that make us who we are. Through my lens, I aim to peel away the layers, revealing the raw emotions that lie at the core of every extraordinary human being.

The Power of a Photograph: Turning Moments into Timeless Memories

A photograph has the incredible ability to transcend time and preserve a single moment for eternity. When a picture captures unfiltered joy, it has the potential to evoke intense emotions, transporting us back to that precise moment in time. Each photograph becomes a gateway to reliving the magic, the laughter, and the love that fills our lives.

But how do we capture unfiltered joy? How do we ensure that the photographs we take genuinely embody the essence of these special moments? The answer lies in finding the balance between observation and participation and cultivating a genuine connection with our subjects.

The Artistic Approach: Unveiling the Essence of Unfiltered Joy

As photographers, we must embrace our role as storytellers and observers of life. We must have a keen eye for the subtle details that often go unnoticed, the tiny gestures and expressions that carry the weight of authentic emotions. Patience becomes our invaluable companion - waiting for that split second when unfiltered joy unfolds before our eyes.

It is important to remember that unfiltered joy doesn't always come in grand gestures or uproarious laughter. Sometimes, it's the gentle smile that lingers on a mother's face as she cradles her newborn or the tranquil expression of contentment that graces a couple's embrace on their wedding day. Unveiling these profound moments requires empathy, sensitivity, and an unwavering dedication to capturing authenticity.

Celebrating Life: Unleashing the Power of Unfiltered Joy

Let us now take a moment to celebrate the power of unfiltered joy. By sharing these photographs, we immortalize the happiness experienced and inspire others to seek and cherish their unique moments of genuine bliss. In a world that often emphasizes the negative, let us stand together as a beacon of light, reminding others to find joy in the simplest things.

So, the next time you find yourself surrounded by unfiltered joy, whether it's your child's laughter, the warmth of a loved one's embrace, or the breathtaking beauty of nature, take a step back and appreciate the magic of the moment. And perhaps, if the opportunity arises, capture that joy through your camera's lens, forever preserving the essence of authenticity.

Let us celebrate the art of unfiltered joy, one photograph at a time. After all, life's most precious memories are meant to be cherished, and what better way to do so than by capturing unfiltered joy in all its breathtaking glory?

-- Bexx

Authenticity in a New Cycle: Embracing Growth and Transformation

In the journey of life, we often find ourselves at the threshold of new beginnings—a new cycle filled with opportunities for growth and transformation. As we step into uncharted territories, it becomes crucial to anchor ourselves in authenticity, allowing our true selves to shine through. In this blog post, we will explore the power of authenticity in embracing personal growth and transformation. By delving into topics such as intimacy, pleasure, vulnerability, boundaries, death, birth, and rebirth, we will unravel the interconnectedness of these aspects and discover how they contribute to our authenticity. So, let's embark on this journey of self-discovery with curiosity and openness.

Embracing Authenticity:

Authenticity forms the foundation for a meaningful and fulfilling life. It is the essence of aligning our actions, thoughts, and emotions with our true selves. As individuals seeking growth and transformation, we recognize the importance of embracing our authenticity to create a life that resonates deeply with who we are.

Intimacy and Vulnerability:

Intimacy allows us to form deep connections with others, but it requires vulnerability. By exploring the connections between intimacy and authenticity, we can understand how opening ourselves up to vulnerability allows us to cultivate genuine connections and embrace our true selves.

Pleasure as a Path to Authenticity:

Often, we underestimate the power of pleasure in our lives. By embracing pleasure and understanding its connection to authenticity, we can tap into our innate desires, passions, and joys. Exploring the realms of pleasure helps us connect with our truest selves and live in alignment with our values.

Setting Boundaries for Authenticity:

Boundaries are essential for maintaining our authenticity and well-being. By establishing healthy boundaries, we protect our values, needs, and energy. We will delve into the significance of setting boundaries and how they contribute to our growth and authenticity.

Navigating Life's Transitions: Death, Birth, and Rebirth:

Life is a cycle of constant change and transformation. By embracing the natural cycles of death, birth, and rebirth, we can navigate life's transitions with grace and authenticity. We will reflect on the lessons we learn from these transformative experiences and how they shape us into more authentic versions of ourselves.

Cultivating Self-Compassion:

Authenticity thrives in an environment of self-compassion. We will explore the importance of treating ourselves with kindness and understanding as we navigate the ups and downs of growth and transformation. By practicing self-compassion, we can embrace our vulnerabilities and foster self-growth.

Authenticity in Relationships:

Authenticity plays a vital role in our relationships. We will explore how being true to ourselves allows us to form deep and meaningful connections with others. We will also discuss the balance between intimacy and autonomy within relationships, nurturing both our individuality and our connections with others.

Harnessing the Power of Ritual:

Rituals have been used throughout history as a way to honor and mark significant life transitions. By incorporating rituals into our lives, we create meaningful moments that allow us to connect with our authentic selves and embrace growth and transformation.

In the end…

Embracing authenticity in a new cycle of growth and transformation is a powerful endeavor. By exploring the connections between intimacy, pleasure, vulnerability, boundaries, death, birth, and rebirth, we open ourselves up to deeper levels of understanding and self-discovery. Through curiosity, openness, and self-compassion, we can unlock our true potential and create a life that aligns with our authentic selves. As individuals, let us embrace this journey of growth and transformation with courage and embrace our authenticity every step of the way.